Archive for December, 2008

Sex with True Love OR Sex Without Love

Published December 21, 2008 Love , Marriage , Sex Before Marriage , Teen Sex in the News Closed
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Sex with True Love or sex without love

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The other day, I posted a blog on a news story, “Teen stabs boyfriend after he refuses sex.” A 19-year-old teen girl reportedly woke up her 35-year-old boyfriend to “make love” in their bedroom, but her boyfriend refused and went to sleep on the living room couch. Then after further disagreement, the teen girl allegedly stabbed her boyfriend on the lip with a long knife-like metal object.

I mentioned that this unusual news story raised a number of questions in my mind, and I promised to get back to this story and give my reaction to these questions, so here goes:

Is it wise for a teen girl to pursue an unmarried sexual relationship with a man in his mid-30’s? “No,” for a number of reasons.  Here’s some of them, and if you think of more reasons, please write a comment to this blog.  [1] Having regular unmarried sex increases the chances that the teen girl will become pregnant, and even if she or he uses contraceptives, they are not 100% effective. If the teen girl got pregnant, she and her baby would not have the same level of legal protections and legal commitment for financial support from the father that come with marriage. [2] Research found that children suffer more emotional, behavioral, and academic problems if they grow up with parents who cohabitate compared to children who grow with married parents. (Susan L. Brown, Family structure and child well-being: The significance of parental cohabitation, Journal of Marriage and Family, 2004, volume 66, pages 351-364.)  So having unmarried sex involves the possibility of creating a child, and so the decision should include that possible child’s well-being.

Why didn’t the teen girl just leave him alone when he turned down her sexual advance? In any human relationship, we should honor and respect the wishes of the other person, and when it comes to something as significant as a sexual relationship, it is morally wrong to force anyone to have sex who says “No.”  If the teen girl genuinely loved the older man, she would not even want to force him to do something he did not want to do at the time.  This news story is somewhat unusual in that it is more typical for a guy to try to pressure a teen girl to have sex when she really does not want to have sex.  Many guys will use some version of the line, “If you truly loved me, you’d have sex with me.”  But, in fact, if the guy truly loved the girl, he would not be pressuring her to do something she preferred not to do.  In this news story, the tables are turned, and the teen girl reportedly pressured the guy to have sex when he did not want to have sex.  So why didn’t she just leave him alone when he turned down her sexual advance? It looks like it is highly likely that she did not truly love and respect the man for who he is and for the decision he made.  Which leads us to the next question….

Would a teen with true “love” for her boyfriend end up stabbing the person loved? Obviously, “NO.” Stabbing a person is not a loving act.  Occasionally a person under tremendous stress who is very tired and upset might do something people describe as “out of character,” but if a person harms another person, they are actually revealing their true underlying character at some level.  Which leads us again to the next question….

Did the teen girl really want to “make love” or just have sexual gratification? It looks like it is highly possible that this teen girl was motivated by her own selfish desire for immediate sexual gratification for herself.  From what we can tell from the news story and the arrest records that I read, there was no evidence of true “love” in this teen girl’s actions on the day she was arrested for stabbing her boyfriend.

What psychological conditions would contribute to this episode? From the limited details we have, we can only make some guesses, and cannot be certain.  But some people stab others who have any of these diagnoses, for example: a Psychotic Disorder, Delusional Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or Histrionic Personality Disorder, or Borderline Personality Disorder.  But normally, teenagers have not fully developed one of the personality disorders, which are usually diagnosed after some adulthood years. We really cannot tell what diagnosis this teen girl might or might not have from the limited information in the news story.  In fact, she might not have any psychological disorder, but just be an evil, selfish person who is showing her true underlying nature.

The moral of the story: [1] True love does not try to force anyone to have sex.  [2] Sex is most meaningful when it involves true love between the partners—so Sex plus Love is vastly better than Sex minus Love. [3] Sex + Love + Marriage is vastly better than Sex + Love, for many reasons. One reason is that Sex + Love + Marriage provides a greater degree of protection and benefits to the father, to the mother, and to the child who could be conceived by the act of sexual intercourse.

What do you think? E-mail any comments or questions you might have about this story to: teensextoday@ProfessorGeorge.com or just write to me on my blog. If we post what you write, we will keep it anonymous. Count on me to be logical, ethical, and scientific in my answers.

–Professor George

George A. Rekers, Ph.D., FAACP
Distinguished Professor of Neuropsychiatry and Behavioral Science Emeritus
University of South Carolina School of Medicine

© Copyright, 2008, Professor George LLC
www.ProfessorGeorge.com

RESEARCH: Teen Virgins Have More Advantages!

Published December 19, 2008 Abstinence , Marriage , Sex Before Marriage , Sex Surveys , Sexually Transmitted Diseases , Virginity Leave a Comment
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I’ve often overheard my teenage son tell one of his friends, “That kind of short-term pleasure equals long-term disaster.” Because my son really cares about how his friends’ lives turn out, he forcefully makes this argument when they talk about doing drugs, getting drunk, or having sex before marriage.

Research studies back up my son’s point!  Robert Rector and Kirk A. Johnson, Ph.D. published an article that summarizes research on the advantages to teens when they abstain from having sex. This review reported that “over 90 percent agree that teens should be taught to abstain from sex until they have at least finished high school.” So my teen sons advice to his friends actually agrees with a majority of teenagers surveyed in that study.

You might be surprised by the findings summarized by Mr. Rector and Dr. Johnson’s article. Here’s some brief quotes from their longer article that is backed up by research studies:

  • “Teens who abstain from sex are less likely to be depressed and to attempt suicide.“
  • “Teens who abstain from sex are less likely… to experience STDs.”
  • “Teens who abstain from sex are less likely… to have children out-of-wedlock.“
  • “Teens who abstain from sex are less likely… to live in poverty and welfare dependence as adults.“
  • “Teens who delay sexual activity are more likely to have stable and enduring marriages as adults.“
  • “Teens who abstain from sex during high school years are substantially less likely to be expelled from school.“
  • “Teens who abstain from sex during high school years are substantially… less likely to drop out of high school.“
  • “Teens who abstain from sex during high school years are substantially… more likely to attend and graduate from college.“
  • “Social science data show that teens who abstain from sex do substantially better on a wide range of outcomes.”
  • “In short, teen virgins are more likely to possess character traits that lead to success in life.”

You can find the entire article by Robert Rector and Kirk A. Johnson, Ph.D. at this website:

http://www.heritage.org/Research/Abstinence/whitepaper10272005-1.cfm

If you’ve been sexually pressured into sex before you wanted it, or if you made some mistakes by having sex before marriage, I bet that you can still return to sexual abstinence and be a “secondary virgin” and reap many, if not all, of the benefits of being a teen virgin.

E-mail your comments or questions about this research on the advantages of being a teen virgin to: teensextoday@ProfessorGeorge.com or just write to me on my blog. If we post what you write, we will keep it anonymous. Count on me to be logical, ethical, and scientific in my answers.

–Professor George

George A. Rekers, Ph.D., FAACP
Distinguished Professor of Neuropsychiatry and Behavioral Science Emeritus
University of South Carolina School of Medicine

© Copyright, 2008, Professor George LLC
www.ProfessorGeorge.com

Teen stabs boyfriend after he refuses sex…

Published December 11, 2008 Love , Sex Before Marriage Leave a Comment
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Violent Refusal, Teen Sex Today

Teen stabs boyfriend after he refuses sex…
This was a headline on today’s Drudge Report that was linked to a news story published by The Smoking Gun.

According to police arrest records in Louisiana, a 19-year-old teen girl allegedly woke up her 35-year-old boyfriend to “make love” in their bedroom, but her boyfriend was not in the mood and pushed her off of him.  The boyfriend told police that he then went to sleep on the living room couch, but that the girl “would not leave him alone.” Then the teen girl allegedly stabbed her boyfriend on the lip with a long knife-like metal object. The teen girl was charged with aggravated battery and damage to property, and her boyfriend was charged with simple battery.

This news story raises a number of questions:
Is it wise for a teen girl to pursue an unmarried sexual relationship with a man in his mid-30’s?
Why didn’t she just leave him alone when he turned down her sexual advance?
Would true “love” end up stabbing the person loved?
Did she really want to “make love” or just have sexual gratification?
What psychological conditions would contribute to this episode?

I’m posting this story to get your comments on it.  Then later I’ll respond to your comments and make my own comments.
E-mail your comments or questions to: teensextoday@ProfessorGeorge.com or just write to me on my blog. If we post what you write, we will keep it anonymous. Count on me to be logical, ethical, and scientific in my answers.

–Professor George

George A. Rekers, Ph.D., FAACP
Distinguished Professor of Neuropsychiatry and Behavioral Science Emeritus
University of South Carolina School of Medicine

© Copyright, 2008, Professor George LLC
www.ProfessorGeorge.com

Actress Brooke Satchwell’s View that Having Children Without Marrying Their Father

Published December 11, 2008 Abstinence , Marriage , Sex Before Marriage , Virginity Leave a Comment
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In an interview in Woman’s Day, actress Brooke Satchwell was asked about her relationship with actor Matthew Newton.  The Woman’s Day interviewer reminded Brooke that she previously said that marriage for her and Matthew was “in our future.” Then the interviewer asked Brooke if that was still true.

Brooke reportedly replied, “Yeah. I mean I have friends who have been together 16 years and have two kids who aren’t married. I’m not a particularly religious person so there’s not the pressure from that end to formalise the relationship. It would be nice to have a really special day to plan though.”

Brooke’s answer raises an important question:  If an unmarried couple lives together and have children together, is it just up to them whether to be married or not, or should they consider what is best for the children?  In other words, is it just a decision that consenting adults should decide based just on what those adults want?

To answer this question, it would help if we could first answer another question with research studies:  Does it matter for children’s well-being whether their parents are married or not?

The research says “yes” it does matter for the children’s well-being in a big way.  A large nationally representative sample of 35,938 children in the United States population found that children living with unmarried cohabiting parents experienced more behavioral and emotional problems than children living with their two married parents.  This study and others find that depression, poorer school performance, and greater psychological stress are especially more frequent in children living with their unmarried parents [Susan L. Brown (2004), Family structure and child well-being: The significance of parental cohabitation, Journal of Marriage and Family, volume 66, particularly pages 351-364].

Note, too, that actress Brooke Satchwell also said, “I’m not a particularly religious person so there’s not the pressure from that end to formalise the relationship.”

It is true that the Judeo-Christian scriptures had a strong influence on Western culture (including Australia, Europe, and North America) and that synagogues and churches have historically followed the Bible that teaches that a man and woman should get married if they want to have a sexually intimate relationship and also if they want to have children together.  And the Bible teaches that sexual relationships outside of the marriage relationship angers God.  The Bible teaches that it was God who created the gift of sexuality and God who created marriage in the first place.

Here we have an instance where the research on the psychological well-being of children and the Bible conclude the same thing—namely, that a couple should be married to have children, but for somewhat different reasons.  The research says marriage is better for children than unmarried cohabiting parents, and the Bible teaches that being married is better for the couple’s relationship with God because marriage pleases God and cohabiting without marriage angers God.  Combining the two sources of knowledge, we would conclude that since God created marriage as the foundation for family life, it turns out better for parents and children alike to following the created pattern instead of going one’s own way as though God does not exist.

P.S. :  You can find the entire interview of actress Brooke Satchwell here

I’d be interested in your reaction to the interview of Brooke Satchwell and to my comments on her thoughts. E-mail your comments or questions to: teensextoday@ProfessorGeorge.com or just write to me on my blog. If we post what you write, we will keep it anonymous. Count on me to be logical, ethical, and scientific in my answers.

–Professor George

George A. Rekers, Ph.D., FAACP
Distinguished Professor of Neuropsychiatry and Behavioral Science Emeritus
University of South Carolina School of Medicine

© Copyright, 2008, Professor George LLC
www.ProfessorGeorge.com

The Porn Drug: Effects of Porn on Teens, Part 1

Published December 9, 2008 Porn 2 Comments
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The Porn Drug Series

THE PORN DRUG SERIES:

This series was the idea of my young webmaster Mark, because he knows how easy it is for teens to find pornography on the Internet, and how it has a lure that has some unexpected dangers to it.  As a very young person, Mark asks a thought-provoking question and comment:  “Do you think porn is just an innocent pleasure?  Think again as we describe some of the many harmful effects porn has on teens.”

This series of blogs will comment on some unexpected and unwanted effects of porn on teens.  Let’s start with the first one:

1.    The Escalation Effect
It all starts off with a quick glimpse of someone in a skimpy outfit, then leads to a night of online swimsuit photo viewing.  However, this doesn’t satisfy your sexual urge, so you venture on to soft-core porn images (and maybe a quick mpeg here and there).  But yet you still crave more intense and explicit porn, which leads you to “stumble” upon hard-core porn sites.  Eventually, the most explicit images do not satisfy you.  You long for more and more extreme, however, it is never enough.  You are hooked and keep coming back for more, whatever the cost.

Some psychologists have pointed out that when you separate sexual pleasure from a loving relationship with a real person, you are easily “satiated” with pictures you have seen, and because porn is sexual arousal without a human person to relate to, it does not ultimately satisfy.  For that reason, over a period of time, one set of pictures or a video is no longer as exciting as it was at first, so you go looking for more visual images.  But then you quickly become satiated on those, so you go look for some new ones, and so on, and so on. It is an endless search for satisfaction that is never completely satisfied.

Clinical psychologists and psychiatrists provide psychotherapy for people with problems, including sexual problems.  And they have found that over a period of years and months, teens and young adults who become repeat users of pornography often progress from normal images to a little bit wierd sexual images and finally to really strange sexual fixations.  It goes like this.  First, just seeing a picture of a topless young woman is exciting.  Then those kinds of pictures get boring, so the young person looks for video images of intercourse.  But over enough time, those get boring, so the young person starts getting interested in porn with “kinky” or wierd sexual deviations.

As you may know, I am a clinical psychologist myself. I have had psychotherapy patients who described this progression that happened over months and sometimes years of involvement with porn, to the point that the patient develops a strange sexual deviation and cannot have normal sexual relations with his wife without bringing wierd porn into the bedroom with her.  Needless to say, many wives find this repulsive and refuse to go along with it.  Then it becomes a serious marital problem, and sometimes the couple comes with this problem to a mental health professional for marriage counseling.

No teen that I have talked to (and I have talked with hundreds of them over my career) ever expects “The Escalation Effect.”  But it is a common problem for those who stick with viewing porn repeatedly. “The Escalation Effect” is an unexpected effect.  And when it is fully developed, it is a difficult problem to solve.  And the best approach is to prevent it from happening in the first place.

Let me know if you have any question or comment on “The Escalation Effect.”  In the meantime, check back at this website because we have a series started now, and my webmaster Mark and I will be writing about a half dozen other effects of porn on teens.

–Professor George

George A. Rekers, Ph.D., FAACP
Distinguished Professor of Neuropsychiatry and Behavioral Science Emeritus
University of South Carolina School of Medicine

© Copyright, 2008, Professor George LLC
www.ProfessorGeorge.com

Every hour 2 people aged 13 to 24 contract HIV

Published December 6, 2008 Sexually Transmitted Diseases Leave a Comment
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hiv-every-hour

Every hour in the United States, two people between the ages of 13 to 24 contract HIV which is the virus that results in AIDS, according to Chief Medical Officer Sam Ho, M.D., of United Healthcare.  Citing the most recent statistics available from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (the “CDC”), Dr. Ho pointed out that young people accounted for HALF OF ALL NEW INFECTIONS with HIV in 2006 which was the most recent data available currently.

It is shocking that here in the United States with all our sex education, health education, and medical services available to teens that our country has the highest rate of teenage infection with HIV in all the developed countries of the world, according to the CDC data.

In an editorial in the Miami Herald newspaper on December 1, 2008, Dr. Ho gave good advice for teens who want to prevent getting infected with HIV that causes AIDS.  While he advised getting tested and practicing “safer sex” (use of condoms) for young people involved in sexual activity, those cautions may be helpful but are not 100% effective to prevent HIV infection.  The only 100% way to avoid getting HIV would be Dr. Ho’s other advice–to abstain from using intravenous drugs, to abstain from sharing needles, and to abstain from having sexual relations.  Abstaining from sexual relations includes oral sex, anal sex, and intercourse–any sexual activity that involves exposure to the other person’s body fluids.

If teens and young people in their early 20s would wait to have sexual relations until marriage to an infection free spouse, and then if both marriage partners remain sexually faithful to one another, then HIV and its horrible life-threatening consequences can be avoided.

TeenSexToday hopes that this information can slow down the rate of HIV infection in American young people!  Two precious young people (between 13 and 24 years old) getting infected with HIV is a tragedy.  But you can avoid HIV infection, and I hope you do.

I’m here for you.  As my teenage son says, “Avoid short-term pleasure that results in long-term disaster!”  Do you have any additional advice or saying like this that you think would help other teens and early-20’s young people avoid HIV infection?  If so, please write a comment with your saying or advice that might just save another teen’s life.

–Professor George

George A. Rekers, Ph.D., FAACP
Distinguished Professor of Neuropsychiatry and Behavioral Science Emeritus
University of South Carolina School of Medicine

© Copyright, 2008, Professor George LLC
www.ProfessorGeorge.com

Mariah Carey made her husband wait for sex until their wedding night!

Published December 5, 2008 Abstinence , Love , Marriage , Sex Before Marriage Leave a Comment
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“Mariah and Nick’s big night” was the headline for a recent story in the PEOPLE section of the Miami Herald newspaper.

The 38 year old singer made Nick Cannon, 28, wait to have sexual intercourse until they became married.  When asked by a reporter if it was worth the wait, Maria was quoted as saying, “I just thought that it would be so much more special if we waited until after we were married.”

P.S. TO TEENS: I’d be interested in your reaction to Mariah Carey’s decision.  Do you think that Nick expressed genuine love for Mariah by honoring her desire to wait for sex until they were married? What do you think are the advantages of waiting to have sex until your wedding night?  Is it worth the wait?  E-mail your comments or questions to: teensextoday@ProfessorGeorge.com or just write to me on my blog. If we post what you write, we will keep it anonymous. Count on me to be logical, ethical, and scientific in my answers.

–Professor George

George A. Rekers, Ph.D., FAACP
Distinguished Professor of Neuropsychiatry and Behavioral Science Emeritus
University of South Carolina School of Medicine

© Copyright, 2008, Professor George LLC
www.ProfessorGeorge.com

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